If I had a penny for every bloody time
I have to try to think of the word I want to flippin’ rhyme
I’d have a lot more money and I wouldn’t need my job
and I wouldn’t have to sit here thinking of another rhyme for ‘job’.
Don’t tell me what I do is wrong, you’d never try it anyway.
Don’t try to teach me how you think, I don’t care what you’ll say.
If I had to live a life like your’s I’d lose my mind within a day.
If you really want to help someone then try a different way.
I don’t care about your sermons, about your common bloody sense.
I don’t care how you choose to live your life, your sensible pretense.
Just leave me be, I’m happy here, where my mind and I still play.
I’ll let you be and let you live when and where ever you want to stay.
And here, in contrast to the previous piece is something more positive in nature, I’m not all doom and gloom, I like to strike a healthy balance of all the main mood groups (although this isn’t always feasible; oh well).
For all things
For all things, a time must come
For it matters not who lost or won
For all those things we might have said
For all the blood that we have shed
For songs and rhymes and stories penned
It matters not, for all things must end
For all things there is a place
For everyone who runs this race
For every life, be it long or brief
For every smile or tear of grief
For everyone who plays their part
Who finds in life a counterpart
For all things are joined as one
For every voice a song is sung
For every heart that lost it’s way
For every soul set free to play
For we are all made of light and dreams
No matter how cold the darkness seems.
I wrote this poem not for anyone who has offended me, nor for those who might. I suppose it’s just an expression of the kind of internal mental pressures that tend to build up and an exercise in filing them in a safe location.
I just don’t want to hear it, it’s never what I need.
I just don’t want to see you, and all your selfish greed.
I just don’t need your whining and your constant derogation.
I just don’t think that I can stand the endless aggravation.
I just don’t want to hear this now, the insults and the lying.
I just don’t think that I can take another damn day’s crying.
I just don’t want to take this, now I know I’m gonna break.
I just don’t think you’re worthy of the life I’m gonna take.
“what are you?” the people asked.
“I am me” I answered simply.
“but what do you like?” they continued to pry.
“what does it matter?” I openly asked.
“what do you do then?” the crowd implored.
“whatever I like” I replied as I left.
We all paint our faces, to hide so no-one knows.
we all dress up so pretty, and hope the pain just goes.
we all with eager footsteps chase the same idyllic goal.
we all pretend through weeping eyes as we slowly lose our soul.
The biggest lie I ever tell is simply ‘I’m okay’.
the smile I paint across my face to keep me lying every day.
the smiles and friendly gestures of the other’s painted grins.
the sick and bitter contents of their thinly veiled sins.
If your inside were out, would I have fallen all the same? Would I have eagerly tried to own you the way I did? Had I known what lay beneath that overbearing facade, that beguiling disguise, would I still have snapped you up when I finally found the chance? I Don’t like to think that a book should be judged by it’s cover, nor do I like to believe that external perfection precludes the presence of internal perfection but in you I was sold from the start, the second i looked at your divine countenance I was certain you would be mine.
But, as with all things, it was not to last. The changes you went through were drastic it’s true, but the way you changed so brazenly, so hotly at first was a thrill as I watched you rise and colour until eventually after endless, countless time had passed you gave yourself and I knew from the first taste that it was wrong, that I had nothing to look forward to but disappointment and regret but still I went on; I went on until I could take no more and now all i can do is gaze on those sad, grey remnants that were all I left and wonder to myself if your inside were out would I have fallen all the same?
This, dear readers, is why I don’t usually buy supermarket pizza.
Well, as the title implies the past two days have been pretty darn good; On Tuesday I was invited to attend a close friend’s twenty week scan of her expected child . It was a truly fascinating experience, I had no idea that ultrasound scanning could produce such clear cross sectional images of an unborn but still strong and healthy child, certainly something to cross off my ‘things I have now done’ list.
Today was an excellent day too, I went to Preston with an old friend whom I have known some twenty five years. For those of you who may not be from good ol’ Blighty, Preston is a city in the north west of England. It was just good to get away from home for a bit, hang with a friend and enjoy some seriously awesome food. We went to a fantastic little sushi bar, had amazingly good sushi, katsu curry and ramune, then hied ourselves to a couple of cool international food markets to pick up all manner of foods that we can’t read the names of and then repaired to a quaint tea house for iced tea.
(shameless links/plugs to the places we went provided in case anyone is in/near/visiting Preston anytime soon) As I type this I’m sitting at my computer drinking coke and orange lucozade from a cheap plastic cocktail glass because I can gol’darnit and because it’s the little bits of fun and the awesome days that have lead up to them that make life more than just monotony.