depression

Not For Anyone In Particular

I wrote this poem not for anyone who has offended me, nor for those who might. I suppose it’s just an expression of the kind of internal mental pressures that tend to build up and an exercise in filing them in a safe location.

Just don’t

I just don’t want to hear it, it’s never what I need.
I just don’t want to see you, and all your selfish greed.
I just don’t need your whining and your constant derogation.
I just don’t think that I can stand the endless aggravation.
I just don’t want to hear this now, the insults and the lying.
I just don’t think that I can take another damn day’s crying.
I just don’t want to take this, now I know I’m gonna break.
I just don’t think you’re worthy of the life I’m gonna take.

Painted Faces.

We all paint our faces, to hide so no-one knows.
we all dress up so pretty, and hope the pain just goes.
we all with eager footsteps chase the same idyllic goal.
we all pretend through weeping eyes as we slowly lose our soul.

The biggest lie I ever tell is simply ‘I’m okay’.
the smile I paint across my face to keep me lying every day.
the smiles and friendly gestures of the other’s painted grins.
the sick and bitter contents of their thinly veiled sins.

Connections.

In a world so connected we are now, more than ever, utterly alone. We search google for answers from total strangers, we seek acceptance from others based on trivial interests rather just being the people we are. It’s easier to post online than to use the same phone to just hear a real voice or go for simple walk and just talk nonsense and get it off your chest. This world is more connected than ever and yet still we couldn’t be more distant.

There are those who live their lives through the camera, as though a life isn’t real unless every frame is documented for the global audience; There are those whose camera shields them from responsibility, another person being beaten, bloodied and helpless and yet the phones are used to record the event rather than to call for help.

We make ourselves connected across countries, even oceans, but never try to connect with a person sitting in the same room. Our connections keep us in touch while driving us apart.

Just Because.

Just because

Just because you think it, that doesn’t mean it’s true.
Just because you want it doesn’t mean that I love you.
Just because you’ve started crying doesn’t mean I’m gonna care.
Just because you’ve started screaming doesn’t mean you’re not aware,
That I never really loved you, so before I leave you weeping
I never made the promise that you think that I’m not keeping
The love we had was in your head, don’t bitch about unkindness.
The reason that you’re crying now is down to your own blindness.

First day On WordPress.

I don’t know what to say, it’s been far more successful than I’d thought, views and followers abound so I’d like to say thank you for the attention. This may seem a bit of weird thing to post given the kind of site this is but it’s been a real surprise to me, I was talked into it by my friend iamthedeadpool and really just expected a flatline of zero interest until I got depressed by it and quit. I have depression, ADHD, asperger’s syndrome and sociophobia all of which means I really didn’t expect such a response, from actual published authors no less. So really, thanks.

Now the purpose of my joining wordpress is to get some of my work out into the public domain and hopefully learn from authors and poets who have made it to being published as well as to get on with other aspiring hopefuls, or anyone in general. I plan on writing a series for wordpress as well as other posts on whatever I feel the need to write about. So, to break the ice as it were here’s a short poem i wrote quite a while ago when I was just 16, I like to think I’ve improved from this point and my work does get significantly less negative, but I was an angsty teen back then.

Just want to say

I just want to say
The pain inside won’t go away
I kinda like the twisted feel
Keeps me here, keeps me real
I hate myself, it feels so good
Can’t do without it, never could
The sickened taste of bitter spite
The raging flame my inner light
It may be wrong but I don’t care
It’s soothing poison I’ll never share
This hate is mine and I crave it’s sting
More than life or anything
I need my hate I need the pain
I need it here to keep me sane